Wednesday, May 2, 2012

:: Stabbing my own heart ::

Assalamualaikum to all my readers.

In our life, we can't control who we're going to fall in love with. Maybe we can admire but to love, it's not that easy. It's lucky if the person that we have fallen for is not attach to anyone. The path that you will follow in order to steal that person heart might be clear or free from any problem. But I can't say the same for those who fall for someone that is attached to somebody. It does happen. To me. I am experiencing the bumpy journey of emotion right now.

Being in love with people who is already belong to someone is tough. Of course you can choose not to like her. You can. If only it was that easy. Lying to yourself saying she's not your type or denying the fact that she is the reason you're feeling this love emotion won't help you to make the love fade away. Not for a long term. One must be mentally ready to face the challenges and to fight what I call the love number one enemy, which is jealousy. I must say, I was wrong. I thought I was gonna be fine when I found out that the person that I care and love the most right now was dating someone. Clearly, I am not strong enough.

I don't know what to do. That person knows that I love her but not as a boyfriend. She is younger than me and she sees me as her big brother that she never had. I don't know if I can pretend to be her big brother when all I want her to know is that I want to be her boyfriend. But, I guess people are not gonna give me kudos for trying to break her relationship with her boyfriend, are they? 

It hurts me to know the only thing that can make her happy is by talking to her boyfriend. I wish it was me. I couldn't express my feeling as I might lose both her and this brother-sister relationship. I don't know if I'm making the right decision by sticking to my feeling to love her when what I really should do is to find somebody who can love me as much as I love her. 

Honestly I don't know...

P/s: To you-know-who-you-are, if you read this, you'll understand that this entry is not what it seems to be.

:: #15 Wordless Wednesday ::


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